After years of trying to date, I realize that I have started second guessing myself. I will accept a date, and go into it with the same hope that it will be decent at the least and the most. Not expecting fireworks any longer, not waiting for butterflies. Just a hope there will not be any indecent touching, or inappropriate comments about my looks or attributes.
Each new invite and acceptance to enjoy a meal, a coffee, or a walk about is a lesson in humanity. None of us is perfect and everyone is unique in their own right. It is so elusive to find that one other person that compliments our own uniqueness. Most of the time there are at least one or two commonalities that can tie the two of you together at least for an evening. Providing each one is polite, and tries to inject some humor too to keep the evening fun.
I have recently been on a few dates with a man , and now I am picking it all apart to see if there are any deal breakers or if there are more pro's than con's. I need to know that I am being sensible and not just letting emotions rule my behaviors. I am second guessing myself and am not so sure my "picker isn't broken" . I say I want a partner again, I wonder if I tend to find something wrong with every man I meet as a way of protecting myself from hurt. These are valid issues I know I am not the only one dealing with it.
I am not going to end anything, I am hoping to watch and see if this new dating situation is what he says it is. Actions do speak louder than words!!!
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Thursday, June 25, 2015
I have tried most of the dating options available. Online from various dating sites, in person, Facebook, being set up. But, let's face it. Unless you decide to date your best male buddy, chances are you are both strangers to start. And people are people no matter the venue you choose to meet them through. I have found that it makes no difference whether it is in person or online. Good and bad happens from both places.
Looking back at some of the most memorable dates of the past 8 yrs. A few do stand out in my mind. Names have either been omitted or changed. Creative license, you know.
Let's go back maybe 7 yrs, when I was new to online dating. A recent widow with more hope than sense. With any dating situation you look for commonalities, and with this man, I found that we both knew the value of Organic produce. He was an Organic farmer and I bought organics, so.....Well the date started off nice. He was a tall man, not unpleasant to look at, black hair, beard, and kind eyes. He asked if I wanted to go on a few produce sales with him to some of the 4 star restaurants in the area. This sounded quite interesting, and I said yes. We met with the Chef of the restaurants and he picked from the back of the van, the heirloom produce that he wanted to use for the evenings offerings. I worked the calculator to determine the price for each vegetable or fruit. It was interesting.
Once we had sold the produce in the van, our plan was to enjoy a meal. I picked my favorite Middle Eastern restaurant. It was in my neighborhood and I was familiar with the area, and when you are on an online date, that is what you want ,familiarity. The first odd thing that happened was, he did not sit across from me in the booth the host offered us. He sat next to me, and put me on the inside. I felt very uncomfortable, but, remember I was naive and new to dating.
This quickly became a problem as this guy had roaming hands. After removing his hands from various areas of my person, I picked up his hand and loudly enough said "NO". That did make him stop with the touching. Had I not been squished on the inside and was I not a bit insecure, I would have been able to tell him to go sit across the table. You know the saying, Coulda, Woulda, Shoula? I should have immediately stood up and walked out on Roaming Hands Man. Boy, do I have a voice now that I didn't have then!!
We finished our meal and he was driving me a couple blocks to my car. Once we arrived at the location of my vehicle. He turned to me and said, "My momma usually does this for me" and while lifting his shirt off his back he said " Would you please pick the tics off my back?" OMG, this man's back was covered in tiny black seed tics. I was shocked, and grossed out. In fact, I started itching just thinking that I sat really close to him thru dinner and the last 4 hours. My hand was already positioned on the door handle, and while opening the door with one leg out, I replied. "I am going to pass on that! You better get your Momma to keep doing that for you!!" Out the door I flew, ran to my car and took the long way home. I did not want him to follow me in any way. I had my son check my hair and back for ticks off and on for days after. HaHa, I kept having phantom itching!!
This man called me and emailed me for 3 weeks, I never responded, and I guess he just didn't get how awful a first date that actually was. This was just a picture of what trying to date has been like from time to time. I can chuckle about it now, and refer to him as "Tic Man".
Looking back at some of the most memorable dates of the past 8 yrs. A few do stand out in my mind. Names have either been omitted or changed. Creative license, you know.
Let's go back maybe 7 yrs, when I was new to online dating. A recent widow with more hope than sense. With any dating situation you look for commonalities, and with this man, I found that we both knew the value of Organic produce. He was an Organic farmer and I bought organics, so.....Well the date started off nice. He was a tall man, not unpleasant to look at, black hair, beard, and kind eyes. He asked if I wanted to go on a few produce sales with him to some of the 4 star restaurants in the area. This sounded quite interesting, and I said yes. We met with the Chef of the restaurants and he picked from the back of the van, the heirloom produce that he wanted to use for the evenings offerings. I worked the calculator to determine the price for each vegetable or fruit. It was interesting.
Once we had sold the produce in the van, our plan was to enjoy a meal. I picked my favorite Middle Eastern restaurant. It was in my neighborhood and I was familiar with the area, and when you are on an online date, that is what you want ,familiarity. The first odd thing that happened was, he did not sit across from me in the booth the host offered us. He sat next to me, and put me on the inside. I felt very uncomfortable, but, remember I was naive and new to dating.
This quickly became a problem as this guy had roaming hands. After removing his hands from various areas of my person, I picked up his hand and loudly enough said "NO". That did make him stop with the touching. Had I not been squished on the inside and was I not a bit insecure, I would have been able to tell him to go sit across the table. You know the saying, Coulda, Woulda, Shoula? I should have immediately stood up and walked out on Roaming Hands Man. Boy, do I have a voice now that I didn't have then!!
We finished our meal and he was driving me a couple blocks to my car. Once we arrived at the location of my vehicle. He turned to me and said, "My momma usually does this for me" and while lifting his shirt off his back he said " Would you please pick the tics off my back?" OMG, this man's back was covered in tiny black seed tics. I was shocked, and grossed out. In fact, I started itching just thinking that I sat really close to him thru dinner and the last 4 hours. My hand was already positioned on the door handle, and while opening the door with one leg out, I replied. "I am going to pass on that! You better get your Momma to keep doing that for you!!" Out the door I flew, ran to my car and took the long way home. I did not want him to follow me in any way. I had my son check my hair and back for ticks off and on for days after. HaHa, I kept having phantom itching!!
This man called me and emailed me for 3 weeks, I never responded, and I guess he just didn't get how awful a first date that actually was. This was just a picture of what trying to date has been like from time to time. I can chuckle about it now, and refer to him as "Tic Man".
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Dating is Dancing.....
Dating is like dancing. First there is an invitation to share a bit of your time, your efforts and maybe talent and hopefully it becomes an enjoyable experience. You are usually invited by someone you have little knowledge of, a stranger even. You either accept or decline.
If you accept you have questions, trepidation's, and in a way you are holding your breath figuratively, to see what kind of dance your partner wants you to join in.
Everyday dancing: This is a dance where the music is friendly and the dancing steps are of a very casual pattern. There is little to no touching with this type of dancing and it can be viewed as comfortable and pleasant. If it goes well, you might be asked to dance again.The two of you were both doing the twist and your moves were attractive and compatible. There would have been some smiling during the dance.
On the other hand if this was not a friendly dance, once the dance ends you both go back to your respective areas and resume your own separate activities. There was no chemistry with the dance and you could tell that you were doing a two step and he was doing a samba. No choreography or compatibility exists in this type of dancing. It could be considered to be even, a bit painful, but, neither of you were rude and waited for the music to stop instead of just walking off of the dance floor. A polite thank you or just a nod and the end.
Every once in a blue moon there will be a dance partner who seems to be a clairvoyant or at the least knows a talented choreographer who determines the steps that provide the most visual imagery, creating a faster heartbeat and the imminent desire to never stop dancing this dance. There will be a strong connection, plenty of eye contact, a touch of hands, a hand on the small of the back and another hand on a shoulder, twirling without loosing the beat. This is a dance that both of you want to enjoy again and again. You are both graduates of Arthur Murray dance schools!
No matter whether you dance like everyone is watching, or no one at all. Putting yourself out there on the dance floor of dating can be a crap shoot. Best to try to enjoy it till the music stops!
Dating is like dancing. First there is an invitation to share a bit of your time, your efforts and maybe talent and hopefully it becomes an enjoyable experience. You are usually invited by someone you have little knowledge of, a stranger even. You either accept or decline.
If you accept you have questions, trepidation's, and in a way you are holding your breath figuratively, to see what kind of dance your partner wants you to join in.
Everyday dancing: This is a dance where the music is friendly and the dancing steps are of a very casual pattern. There is little to no touching with this type of dancing and it can be viewed as comfortable and pleasant. If it goes well, you might be asked to dance again.The two of you were both doing the twist and your moves were attractive and compatible. There would have been some smiling during the dance.
On the other hand if this was not a friendly dance, once the dance ends you both go back to your respective areas and resume your own separate activities. There was no chemistry with the dance and you could tell that you were doing a two step and he was doing a samba. No choreography or compatibility exists in this type of dancing. It could be considered to be even, a bit painful, but, neither of you were rude and waited for the music to stop instead of just walking off of the dance floor. A polite thank you or just a nod and the end.
Every once in a blue moon there will be a dance partner who seems to be a clairvoyant or at the least knows a talented choreographer who determines the steps that provide the most visual imagery, creating a faster heartbeat and the imminent desire to never stop dancing this dance. There will be a strong connection, plenty of eye contact, a touch of hands, a hand on the small of the back and another hand on a shoulder, twirling without loosing the beat. This is a dance that both of you want to enjoy again and again. You are both graduates of Arthur Murray dance schools!
No matter whether you dance like everyone is watching, or no one at all. Putting yourself out there on the dance floor of dating can be a crap shoot. Best to try to enjoy it till the music stops!
Here I go!!
There certainly have been many interesting interactions while trying to find my elusive soul mate, twin flame, just a buddy to hang out with, to the last love of my life. So many labels, not so many differences or choices that I have ever found acceptable.
No, I am not all that picky as you might be suspecting. My pickiness has to do with character, who a person is, how they behave, how they treat others, is more important than the outside features. I still believe that everyone has a "something" that makes them stand out, makes them attractive whether is is a great smile, twinkling eyes, dimples , great hair and the list can go on and on. Yes, I know that there is something called chemistry and you have to have it, it is pheromones and animal attraction and some cave mentality throwback to who can pull my hair and drag me to their cave first wins the prize!..haha.
I truly try to give everyone the grace that I have been given. Plus, knowing that none are perfect (especially me) and what one person sees as a deal breaker the next sees as endearing. I have accepted dates that, on the surface, from a picture alone, I am not drawn to. No immediate thinking, Wow,he's a hottie! I would "do" him. Yes, women think about that sort of thing too, even older women. Most just won't admit it to anyone but their best friend. Surely not publicly. I nonetheless, have entered into a commitment to meet for coffee, lunch, or dinner, a talk in a park, a walk about, all with hope that the worst that could happen is that it was a pleasant evening. Boy did I have a rude awakening.
There certainly have been many interesting interactions while trying to find my elusive soul mate, twin flame, just a buddy to hang out with, to the last love of my life. So many labels, not so many differences or choices that I have ever found acceptable.
No, I am not all that picky as you might be suspecting. My pickiness has to do with character, who a person is, how they behave, how they treat others, is more important than the outside features. I still believe that everyone has a "something" that makes them stand out, makes them attractive whether is is a great smile, twinkling eyes, dimples , great hair and the list can go on and on. Yes, I know that there is something called chemistry and you have to have it, it is pheromones and animal attraction and some cave mentality throwback to who can pull my hair and drag me to their cave first wins the prize!..haha.
I truly try to give everyone the grace that I have been given. Plus, knowing that none are perfect (especially me) and what one person sees as a deal breaker the next sees as endearing. I have accepted dates that, on the surface, from a picture alone, I am not drawn to. No immediate thinking, Wow,he's a hottie! I would "do" him. Yes, women think about that sort of thing too, even older women. Most just won't admit it to anyone but their best friend. Surely not publicly. I nonetheless, have entered into a commitment to meet for coffee, lunch, or dinner, a talk in a park, a walk about, all with hope that the worst that could happen is that it was a pleasant evening. Boy did I have a rude awakening.
Background
13 yrs have passed since I chose to be on my own
8 yrs since I have been trying to date.
A few of those years I was actively looking to share my life with a man, I have tried, your house, my house, living together, just seeing each other a few times a week, just platonic dating. Whatever situations presented themselves, I was open to giving them a shot. Shot after shot, year after year, and here I am in all my wondrous glory!! 62 and Single.
Figuring that being with someone is what is supposed to happen so that your singleness isn't permanent, like some sort of visible tattoo telling the world, she does not have a partner, no one to go places with, no man who loves her, helps her, cares whether she makes it or not. I always felt that it was a stigma that I needed to overcome. Raised to believe I needed to be a wife and a mother, I set out right out of HS doing just that. I do not regret that choice for all the world. One cannot have any take-backs in life, after all.
So, here I am, still on my own, (I prefer that phrase, other than Single) On my own makes it more of a choice, more powerful, more independent, just more.
8 yrs since I have been trying to date.
A few of those years I was actively looking to share my life with a man, I have tried, your house, my house, living together, just seeing each other a few times a week, just platonic dating. Whatever situations presented themselves, I was open to giving them a shot. Shot after shot, year after year, and here I am in all my wondrous glory!! 62 and Single.
Figuring that being with someone is what is supposed to happen so that your singleness isn't permanent, like some sort of visible tattoo telling the world, she does not have a partner, no one to go places with, no man who loves her, helps her, cares whether she makes it or not. I always felt that it was a stigma that I needed to overcome. Raised to believe I needed to be a wife and a mother, I set out right out of HS doing just that. I do not regret that choice for all the world. One cannot have any take-backs in life, after all.
So, here I am, still on my own, (I prefer that phrase, other than Single) On my own makes it more of a choice, more powerful, more independent, just more.
My waiver
What I am not
I am not an expert
nor am I a psychologist, therapist
counselor or adviser
nothing I am writing or suggesting
has any basis in fact by which to live your life by.
This is just my humble observations from
these 62 yrs of living.
What I am
I am single and 62 yrs. of age
I am single by my own choices
and by the death of my husband of 27 yrs
I am an independent woman who has always done this life
my own weird, and quirky,
sweet and kind way
as much as society and constraints have allowed.
I am emotionally healthy and an emotional mess all
rolled up into this one woman
who keeps trying to date
keeps trying to connect with the opposite sex
even tho it is trying and tiring and most times
disgusting.
Believing that Hope Springs Eternal
Just my views.
I am not an expert
nor am I a psychologist, therapist
counselor or adviser
nothing I am writing or suggesting
has any basis in fact by which to live your life by.
This is just my humble observations from
these 62 yrs of living.
What I am
I am single and 62 yrs. of age
I am single by my own choices
and by the death of my husband of 27 yrs
I am an independent woman who has always done this life
my own weird, and quirky,
sweet and kind way
as much as society and constraints have allowed.
I am emotionally healthy and an emotional mess all
rolled up into this one woman
who keeps trying to date
keeps trying to connect with the opposite sex
even tho it is trying and tiring and most times
disgusting.
Believing that Hope Springs Eternal
Just my views.
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