Where is the girl I was before

  Wondering this morning, where is the happy, open, grace filled, giving everyone the benefit of the doubt girl i was before the world of dating came into my life? I liked her, and I have realized she has gone missing, I want her back. Question is how to retrieve her? The girl I am today is still holding out hope that somewhere in this vast universe there is another person who will like me for my good points and think that my not so good points just aren't all that bad.
  Today I seem to be what I tried for so many years not to be. Jaded, and skeptical. Trust is a valuable thing and how many times can a woman be burnt before trust becomes non existent? 10-100? I don't have any answers. Wish I did.
 I had a man asks me out for coffee last week, and I replied "Coffee would be great!". I ask where and when because I am still willing to be willing to see if there is a chance to either find love and companionship or even friendship and at the least a pleasant conversation to break up the monotony of being a single retired woman, with so much to offer. The answer I got from the man was "THAT is the question, I am so busy with softball (which will end soon) that my schedule is packed. What does your schedule look like?" ........Ummm, did I just miss something? Let me re-read it again, Nope, I read it right. He asked me out for coffee, which at most would last 30 minutes to an hour (if the conversation was good). And he is too busy for coffee? Then why in the world would he even ask me out? Shaking My Head at that and at one other thing. I am retired, I do not have a schedule anymore, I buried that 70 hr a week schedule and it is long gone. I do admit I miss it sometimes, then really think about it and say no, I am happy, here in the now. So he can't meet for coffee anytime in the foreseeable future, and wants to know my schedule. Why would my schedule make a difference, if he is so jam packed himself? Again, what am I missing?  I reply "No worries. Maybe you can contact me again when you can break away for 30 minutes. He asks again "What is your schedule?" I just didn't reply.
  I really do try very hard to not be rude, and I have always thought not answering was just that, rude.
I have decided that sometimes you just don't have a choice, no answer was better than saying all the other things on my mind, which would do not one bit of good anyway.
  So here I am, a bit jaded and very skeptical, looking around the proverbial corners when approached by a man ,to see what traps may be hidden that can burn me. Wondering about whether there will ever be a man out there that I could even develop a friendship with let alone fall head over heels for. I am going to try to find that happy go lucky, everything is beautiful, love my rose colored glasses girl I was just a few years ago. This time I am looking for her inside of me, without a man involved.